A Mighty Call

Life has an affect on all of us yet so often its meaning passes us by as we take life for granted. Each morning we wake, we move forth with the day. On the matter of seizing it, well that's for one to tell. Not all yearn to be free...free of the clutches of another, or even oneself. Free to roam the streets with grace and ease as the hands of the clock tick onward.  Time is but a gift granted to us ever so preciously, to rule one's will and dedication in hopes of performing and achieving what is so rightfully ours, greatness.

In my eyes I am me, one, individual to all. My limitations are those I set myself. My successes and my losses, I judge myself. None have nor will live the life I lead. Yes, generations of similar encounters have confused my peers and perhaps convinced them otherwise, but come judgement day my heart will play to an orchestra brought to life by my love and peace with this world.

What occurs in the past is done, finished with. There is no hope in other outcomes other than those you choose to stir yourself. Gone are the days behind us. What remains are opportunities; opportunities for change, for starting anew. Opportunities to live a brighter way. Believe in a day in which joy and cheer cast a hypnotic, overwhelming love in our souls. Live in a day in which hospitality and loyalty are but second nature. But gone are those days as well, for we have bequethed them to their lonely dark corners. Chivalry and courtship are not so easily recognized my friend, disguised in charm and wit, swindled by wine and treasures of the heart. The purity of it all has slowly diminished away at the mercy of respect, or lack of.

What one believes theirs is a dangerous belief. Take charge of your life. Know that what you do with it will impact the universe, no matter how small or how grand the effect may be, and a dominoe effect will begin to play out before your life. The many lives you encounter, the many deaths and miracles, are blessings unto you, although not all pleasant. Together our choices, our trivials and trials, are unfolding a path towards happiness filled with tears and passion.

Wise up to the reality of the world. Keep it in mind. Wise up to your immediate reality, so close to home and as far as you're willing to extend it. How far will that be? As far as the eye can see and the hand can reach? Will you allow that to define you, or another? Will you go beyond your limitations? We are all but one. Anything you can conceive you can achieve alongside great strength and resilience, courage, persistence, and support. I am one, me, an individual amongst warriors of life. I own mine and I do as I please. I rule my emotions, my mind, and my actions. I am young and have so much more to develop. It is in high hopes that I progress into a more astute and creative creature of this bountiful earth. All I can ask for is that you accept and trust my soul, allowing me to partake in this freedom I know as life, for it may be the only chance I get...a small one perhaps, but allow me to make it damn well worth it.

Living Every Moment

This moment is never going to happen again. We'll never have it except for in that one precious second in time. A belief doesn't really last, it changes all the time. The first time i heard the saying that time will never happen again in that same way, I finally understood what I was battling myself with. For that, thank You! You know who You are. I could not have been more seriously considering time, or my life and it's individuality in this universe, at a better moment than right now in my current state of maturity. I am one, a unique life form in this vast universe. I am one individual in a crowd. Almost anywhere I go, I can have the grandest day of my life, or I can have the most miserable dependant on my mind set. The mind can do great things... Attitude is crucial. Will and determination are qualities I am blessed with once I've made my mind up. Note, that can be either very quickly or devastatingly slow. I have one life. I will live it how I choose in hopes that my choices will not negatively affect another whilst I continue to live happy and positive. I want to experience life, how I choose to see it. I need to keep in mind that at cross streets, practically anywhere i go, no one knows me and we will most likely never recognize each other in smaller, grouped events. I can do whatever I want and if people watch, who cares. They don't know who I am or what I'm doing. I probably have the most retarded face on right now for trying to write this from my phone, but who cares? You
could be a person's idol under those shades. No one presently in that moment can ever judge you, because we all have our differences. Live your life. Freely. Free of hate, spite, anger, resentment, criticism, all negativity. You have one life. Live it to your fullest, brightest potential. Live it proudly. You will at times fall, but you will rise again. One day you will get to where you want to be, where you see yourself. See yourself
achieving all those marvelous dreams of yours. Attract all that positive energy and channel it towards your will. Make something of yourself! Only you have the power. Forget all that you have been told, taught, and all that you think you know. There's a world of surprise and opportunity ahead. Tackle this life and ground it to meet your needs in order to achieve your own success, your own happiness.
I know that negativity will linger, however fight it. Fight for yourself. Fight for your health, your happiness. Fight for your right to be different and to be allowed to be your own unique person. If you don't fight, who will?

One Life To Live

It's your life, you decide what you want to do with it. Making excuses and playing hacky sack with blame is pointless. You decide who you want to be, how you're going to succeed, and what you're willing to sacrifice. Who you listen to, befriend, and associate with is important. Whose opinion do you value, allowing to inspire or manipulate you? Nobody can make you do anything without your consent or partial agreement. People can only plant seeds, thoughts, doubt, and ideas in your head. Ultimately, you're the one that's going to make any moves. It is your actions that define you. Your actions offer a glimpse into your state of mind. You're the one that will incur criticism or praise. If you're not careful you might lose friends and even family along the way. Represent yourself in the way you claim to feel about certain people, situations, occurrences. I highly doubt one can fully accept a person, even less likely to fully accept many, for all that he or she is. There will most likely always be one or more qualities, views, or decisions that you are not in agreement with. That is always perfectly acceptable. Just remember that it does not mean you can not be friends. Share your experiences. Learn from your differences. The grass might really be more green on the other side however you might learn that, in fact, you prefer dirt, sand, or ice instead...but atleast allow yourself the opportunity to discover so. There will always be another option. This universe is too vast for you to allow someone else to choose for you. Why limit yourself to the rule of another?

Your image is only your representative, almost like an advertisement. Your actions are your services or product. Be more wise and consciencious about what you say, to who you say it, and how well you deliver what you intend to express. I'm not saying to hide anything. Simply be mindful as your comments may be misconstrued, misunderstood, repeated incorrectly, etc. Never forget, do not be judgemental. Your thoughts become you. It is okay to disagree with people. It is okay to not feel the same about "things" with your friends, neighbors, classmates, coworkers, or strangers. Being bothered or upset is understandable. Understand that people are all different and will act differently. Also, change is evergoing yet neverlasting. You might feel a certain way now, but a new experience or trauma can change that quickly. All I recomend is that you learn to recognize certain traits in people, how to communicate what your standpoint is, and decide on what your actions, either directly with that person or pertaining soley to a single situation, will be going forward.
Note that if you begin to think a certain way for so long, you'll find yourself subconsciously acting out those thoughts. Suddenly you find yourself voicing them too. That is why it is important to remember not to judge. You have one life to live. How do you want to spend your one chance to be ALIVE, to be blessed with opportunities, hopes, drive, kindness, love, family, friends, and to have a choice?

New Acquaintances

I think it's an interesting experience meeting new people; whether through mutual friends or at random social events. What boggles me is how people can automatically accept or dismiss you. So many opportunities can be gained or missed by these mentalities. How can you know a person following the initial engagement? Can you so easily decide if this person is to be trusted, sincere, or worthy of a chance to prove themselves. Honestly, nobody needs to prove anything to anyone. Everyone should meet a person with a smile on their face and arms open. Perhaps be on guard of course, but do not automatically decide that someone should not be trusted. If a person can be so quick to judge you and define you, without respecting you enough to allot you the time necessary to create a true foundation of their opinions so as to be valid, then be thankful that they chose not to be involved with you. Do not take offense, feel any less, or even anger. Simply understand that for what ever the reason may be, that person feels threatened by you. Be understanding of that person's weakness. Be proud that you are not weak nor insecure. Do not respond in an equally unwelcoming way. You have in turn saved yourself from a potential failed friendship and you have won yourself time and effort to bestow upon a more deserving individual. You win, not those who think they are above others. You still can see through the physical glamour deeper into the soul of another. You still have heart, love, kindness, and are free of judgement and for that I not only congratulate you, but i also thank you. So many lives can be saved through a simple hello, a smile, a hug... These gifts are special because not everyone can freely open their hearts to any and all in this manner.

Small Take on Relationships

So as I sit with my sister having lunch at home, watching Teen Mom 2 Finale Special, I notice that I am becoming increasingly irritated with the women on the show...and the show itself. I don't watch the Teen Mom show. I am only watching the Finale Special because my sister watches this crap and I got stuck eating lunch in the living room with her. My cable isn't set up in my bedroom yet either. I guess I can understand WHY this show is popular. People love to watch others struggle and overcome obstacles in their lives. It may be a "support" thing but I just cannot for the life of me take interest in these shows. I think they are ridiculous. If anything wouldn't these types of shows assist deteriorate society? For heaven's sake the girls physically and emotionally abuse their partners and then victimize themselves. They allow their partners to do the same in return. They are involved in heavy drugs, cannot escape them, and then cry about how they can't access their child... I mean really?? All of these mothers that have been presented have in my opinion, and forgive me if this offends anyone but it is my opinion and I hold strongly to it, just idiot after idiot. I do not feel pity for them. They are digging themselves into their own holes and are too stubborn to leave the negative behind and move forward.

One is a drug addict that keeps flopping from sobriety to user, and also flops back into an abusive relationship with the ex-boyfriend that literally injects heroine into her system. Come on! If not for yourself, do it for your child! You cry about how you can't see him whenever you want or have him sleep over your house. Why would anyone in their right mind allow that? Another girl is just way too stubborn and hateful that she is set on denying the father any kinds of rights. Also, she detests the boyfriend's new girlfriend for no reason. She claims that she doesn't like the girlfriend because she saw pictures of her with a gas mask online. I understand that your child is with his father and the girlfriend when you choose to not be present and that concerns you...but whatever she wants to do on her own personal time is her business. At the end of the day, it took two people to conceive. It takes two parents. It's not just one mother controlling everything and demanding things to be a certain way. I would understand that if the father was unfit. In this case, I think both the mother and father need to take some kind of counseling or classes on parenting, communication skills, and anger management courses. There's no denying that there are a few mothers in the show who progress from their situations and grow from their troubles but there are others that I am shocked as to how or why they still have custody of their child. All women are unbelievably strong but so few know it. So few know the power we hold. We can reproduce, offer life, offer a continuation of a genetic line, we LOVE unconditionally. I know what I am worth. I know who is worthy of me. It is hard sometimes remembering that but in the end I want to be happy and I have so much love to give. The person who ends up with me hopefully will be the luckiest man I know. I know I can be so giving, I know I can be very difficult as well. I just hope that all I stand for now does not change.

I've been in unhealthy relationships myself, I'm not perfect. I was a person in these same situations, minus the child. We had anger issues. We didn't get aggressive with each other but we did take it out in other ways. He would throw furniture around and punch walls. I would go out with my girls, drink, smoke, lose control or I would go running. I had self-esteem problems and felt as if that would be the best I would come across. I doubted myself and my potential. It just angers me when I see this behavior in other people because I have learned that it does not HAVE to be that way. I find myself constantly having to remind myself that I was once there. I have to remind myself not to feel this way because people really are struggling and simply don't understand life and it's many twists and turns. Everyone has a choice. Things sometimes don't work out as planned but if that is the case then go to Plan B but don't feel stuck. The universe is wide and vast. The butterfly effect is real. Any minute life can change direction for any reason. You can be in the slums but keep your head up and think positive. Surround yourself with people who want to succeed and prosper. Surround yourself with people who have the same mindset, same goals, same drive. Believe in yourself and summon strength from within to push you to do the best you can do. This world is limitless. You are your own worst enemy. Do not allow fear to enter your soul. Do not allow criticism to hold you down. In fact, use all that negative feedback and criticism to give you encouragement. Use it to encourage yourself to do better if you feel you agree with that person(s) or view it the way I do: they are just hating. People are always going to want to bring you down because they don't like seeing others do better than them. But what fault do you have that you are on your game and they are not? What fault do you have that you are more dedicated, more willing, more active? Do not allow other people to infiltrate your being. We are all strong we just have to realize it and give ourselves life.

On a lighter note....today is Mother's Day in Mexico. Happy Mother's Day to all! Special thank you to my Mother. Mother has always been there for us despite our decisions and actions. She has put up with more than I can imagine myself doing. She has struggled so much to raise this family. Although we do not agree on many things, I will always be grateful for the opportunities she has provided for me. I may not have been dealt the cards in life everyone dreams of but I was blessed with an overbearing, over-loving mother whom also played the role of a strict father and an even more loving and caring sibling unit. So THANK YOU! Thank you for not giving up on us or giving us up. Thank you for all that you have done!

Then You Wonder Why

***Forewarning: I'd like to start off by noting that although I aim to blog in a positive light, this particular post will point out an unpleasant experience I recently survived. There are several unappealing characteristics I've encountered in my so-called "dating" and social life that brought about this post. It is unfavorable towards immature, disrespectful, disingenuous persons.***

I enjoy making new friends, acquaintances, and anything else in between. I also enjoy keeping those newly-founded friendships because I honestly intend on building them into something greater and possibly even keeping my connections throughout my lifetime. I welcome everyone with acceptance. I try not to judge. I am passive aggressive and always ask myself if another's actions are a very good reason for me to lose my cool and flip out. For the most part, I leave things alone because I don't really know where another person is coming from. I don't know if that person is going through a rough time and this is how they handle it, or if he/she really is a douchebag. I can do this because I know that if there was a real problem, with me, we can talk it over and get over it, or we can fight it out and get over it. I'm game for either. At the end of the day, I want no problems with anyone and a healthy relationship with everyone. There is one problem; I'm not the "kit" type with personal relationships. I am constantly either focused on a task having to do with success i.e. work, food for thought, money, etc, or distracted with a quick "me time" - it's always from one extreme to the other, yes, extreme.

Unfortunately, not every person feels the same as I do when it comes to meeting someone and being just friends. Not everyone approaches a new encounter with the intent of getting to "know" someone, there is usually some kind of underlying selfish interest at the end of that union. I'm sure many people can agree when I say that it is so very unattractive when a person promotes his or herself in a certain light and after a time his/her true colors begin to reveal themselves. There are various ways in which this begins to happen. Some examples are beginning to hang out with that person either on a daily basis or more regularly than normal, moving in with that person, and dumping that person - my most disfavorable.

When I first started hanging out with this one particular person too much, and for confidential reasons let's just go with Johnny for Johnny Depp ;) - oh that sweet, sweet handsome man - I realized that I had a problem. I understood that first impressions can be deceiving and I needed to be more careful and observant in my life choices. There is so much more that I needed to start paying attention to when it came to allowing people to enter my "circle of trust". When I met Johnny I thought he seemed like a decent guy. He was attractive, nice smile, clean-cut and well-kept, respectful, and involved in his life. We exchanged numbers and started texting often, began hanging out and going out to eat together; eventually I decided I wanted to explore more. Well, when I decided that our "exploring" had reached its finale, and for good reason trust me on this, it was as if I was witnessing a real life Jekyll and Hyde syndrome exposed. I know about ego hits and I expect people to get upset and even defensive. I just did NOT see his reaction coming! He always was polite and respectful to some extent but when his true colors shone, whoa! Johnny went off on a rampage about me and my sexual reputation, which he had no knowledge of, my status in life (?), my family! I was shocked!

Thankfully I have built a strong confidence in myself that I did not allow his words to have any other effect on my state of mind other than providing me humor and a learning lesson. Had this occurred two years ago I might have actually let him hurt me. Note: if someone wants to go from an intimate relationship to just friends, that is still a good thing! Keep the door open. Why would you sabotage any future communication with that person? Johnny totally just closed the door on his own face and barricaded all windows or openings for him to ever be a part of my life in any way. A zombie wouldn't be able to find entry. Why do people put on this facade? This is how I am: Hi, nice to meet you. Want to be friends? Great! Count me in. If I want more, I will let you know. If you want more, by all means please let me know. We can settle it that very second. At least this way, everyone knows where they stand. If something happens between us, let's deal with it when it comes to. If feelings change, that's okay. Life is ever-changing. Please, I do not want to realize that the person I've been spending my valuable time with, sharing my life and emotions with, and allowed to get intimate with, was a fraud. In general, intimacy or none, if I accept you into my life, please do not pretend. I don't. I would appreciate the same courtesy.

I think many people can agree. Sometimes, you just need to cut to the chase. Stop wasting my time, more importantly, your time. Always be a gentleman or a lady. Make sure to just be real; be yourself and fight for what you want. Don't toy or use another person in order to move ahead with your desires. Karma will get to you when you least expect it. You have a life to live and at any time, any age, what you deserve will be placed at your feet.

Walking In Public

I walk almost everywhere when I go out.

Just a couple of years ago I was that girl you would pass by in halls or the street and would always look straight down to avoid eye contact. I felt like it wasn't necessary and had nothing to do with manners and/or politeness. I don't really know why but I felt like it was too intruding forcing eye contact onto another passer-byer. I won't deny the certain lack of confidence I had then either. Weirdly, I've begun to notice this same behavior in others more regularly as I walk past strangers.

Over the last year or so I've grown to accept the person I am. It was a confusing and troubling time. I didn't know what was going on nor how to react to it. I often asked myself if I was building confidence or becoming a conceited person. I'd like to think that it was the building block. I wouldn't consider myself conceited. I mean, I do often talk about myself, compliment myself, flatter myself, and well...you get the picture. All of this just recently started though. I was never the person to accept or believe in another person's positive remark towards me. I was definitely never the person who ever had a good thing to say about myself. I always told myself they were just trying to be nice and make me feel better, therefore it never worked. Now whenever someone has anything good to say about me, I know they are right and they are speaking honestly. It's still confusing though. Sometimes I feel vain. I feel like I am becoming a "mean girl" minus the mean. For instance, when I am told I am beautiful, I fully agree...to the max. I have a great smile, adorable dimples, lovely hair, beautiful eyes, a shapely body, and I must admit my personality just tops it off. Does this make me a confident person? Or would you judge me as conceited?

Well, whatever your response was, thank you. If it was positive, thank you. If it was negative, that's your opinion, but it doesn't affect me in any way. I lived most of my life unhappy with myself and if being happy with myself now makes me something bad in someone else's eyes I couldn't care less. I love my life. I love how I feel. I love how I see things. I love how I can walk down the block with my headphones on and just jam the whole way down, dancing and swaying like a crazy lady and not caring who's watching. I can be free to laugh loudly, to dance to music I've never heard in my life, to say hi with a large smile to every and any body who crosses my way and not look down. I can maintain eye contact. I walk with my head held high, my chest and chin up, and I think my booty even sticks out more; yes, that's what I said. It's crazy how I tortured myself for so long by caring. Once I was over caring, life was so much easier and so many doors opened for me.

As I was walking home today, I noticed that many people see me from a distance and stare. Men and women will just check me out for a good minute or so. Those last few feet we approach eachother, they are so quick to turn their glance. I don't know if somehow I intimidate them, or if it has nothing to do with me at all, but I can't help but remember the me from before. I've even initiated a plan to get them before they turn away. I'll just start smiling from afar and once we're about five to ten feet aways from eachother I'll either wave or say hi. I think I've made some people uncomfortable like that. Is that rude of me? Nonetheless, I am grateful that I was able to grow from that. It actually makes a difference you know? It makes a difference how you walk. It makes a difference if there's a sway to your step. It makes a difference if you're smiling, even if it is for nothing. Try it. Walk down the street and pretend that you are just awesome; do it briskly like you're on a mission, con animo! If you need that little encouragement put your headphones on and pick a playlist that just gets you in the greatest most dandiest mood of all; you know, the one you can grind to or just a good ol' hearted deep cleaning session at home. Walk as if you're a model in cognito, head held high, smile across your face so big that someone might wonder if you're listening to a really good joke on the other end of those headsets. If you're a woman move those curves don't be shy or embarrassed. People are going to check you out anyways. They are going to judge you anyways. Why not give them something good to look at, something to either praise or envy, something to either love or hate.

A little something about me...a little too much... maybe?

Hello,

My name is Lily. I have really no experience with blogging; actually, I'm not really quite sure how to go about this. I've decided that I'll just treat this like a journal, I guess. I will be turning 23 soon. I don't know what I am doing with my life, nor where I am headed...same as every other 23 year old. All I know is that I do not want to get stuck doing some average, boring, uninteresting desk job for the rest of my life. I have potential to become someone great. I also want to help people reach their own full potential so that they may live a happy life. It's important to me that everyone around me be happy. 

One thing you must know about me is that I am a passionate lover. I love my family more than anything in the world. I love my friends as if they were my family. I love so much, and because I love, I also hurt deeply. As strong as a woman I may want to believe I am, my barriers break so easily. I stand for what I believe and I will not break in that sense, but I am most vulnerable when life attacks my loved ones. My biggest weakness is my fear of the world and it's potential to hurt the people I care about so much. I get scared for everything when it comes to them. I get scared that someone can follow my sister home. I get scared that my brother might not drive home safely one day. I get scared that one day my Mom may not be around anymore to pester and annoy me with her overbearingness. For everything I am scared when it comes to my family. With my friends, I love them, but I do not fear for their immediate safety; they can handle themselves. I even feel for those I do not know. I cry for almost anything if I know that it is possible and someone involved is in pain. It sucks. Although this is the greatest weakness of mine, it is also one of my strongest qualities that drives me to help and give as much as I can.

Don't get me wrong, I am also very selfish. I can be advantageous. I can be a manipulator. I can be egotistical, a bitch, a liar, many things. I am not perfect. I live for me. It took me a long time to finally put myself first. Now that I know how to do that, there's no looking back. No more caring about what others say or think about me. No more trying to change myself for the acceptance of another who really doesn't give two cents about my own feelings and state of mind. For years I tried changing myself so that I can be okay in another's eye. I changed my physique, my style of dressing, my behaviors, my interests. In reality, all I needed was to be okay with myself... how cliche. It was so hard for me to really understand what that meant. Yes, I had heard that over and over again from my sister, on TV, in magazines. It's weird how you can "know" something but not really understand it's true underlying message. I've come to many realizations over just the last couple years. I feel like I was just born, or awakened from a deep naive slumber. I've had to go through many experiences to get to where I am now with myself.

At the end of the day, I am grateful for every obstacle I've encountered along my way. I am thankful for the people, however beneficial or harmful they may have been, that have crossed my path. It is because of my past that I have blossomed into this beautiful, overall good, blessed woman today. 

I hope you enjoy getting to know me.

Loving & Being Loved

I think it's important for people to feel good about themselves. I don't understand why others enjoy putting people down, ridiculing, beating, taunting another...it's cruel. It's bullying. What good can come from that? We've all seen the negative effects. Some people are pushed too far to the extent of killing their abuser.
When i was young I was bullied often. I was a heavy set child with a lot of anger and built-in frustration issues that developed at home and only continued in school. Thankfully, I was not scared to punch a bitch. People could only verbally and mentally hurt me. Of course my emotions took the beating, and in turn their bodies answered for it. I wasn't scared to fight, boy or girl. I think because of my large size and my ability to fight back in some way at least people eventually backed off. Not everyone is lucky to have these situations resolve.
What kind of sick pleasure or comfort do people seek in return from hurting someone else? Why would you have to feast on another's sorrow in order to gain some kind of release? When I would witness someone trying to taunt another I would step in. Normally. Here and there I would get a thank you, but most often it was a "Why did you do that?" I didn't care if they appreciated it. I simply did not feel comfortable witnessing that. If they had a problem they could fight me, but no one ever did.
Personally, I get off by making people feel happy, joyful, even if it is subconsciously. My smile alone can be so uplifting. My hugs can be so comforting. I've received numerous compliments of gratitude from those around me. I've been told I can genuinely brighten up a person's spirit. If such simple acts can do so much good, imagine what we could achieve as a whole when we go even further by reaching out with a helping hand. It doesn't take much energy or effort to be nice, to be considerate of the other person, to be a decent person.
I live my days always trying to be positive. If not for someone else, then for myself. I'm not religious. I don't know if I'm set on the whole God, heaven, hell, Satan thing. All i know is that I am blessed. I am blessed to have been given these experiences and the support to overcome them. I am blessed to have grown and learned from them in such a way that I can in turn give back. I feel that despite the sinner I am, I am a kind-hearted person who is overall good. I hope people can realize the damage that is done by attacking another person. So many are effected, so few are saved. For the bullies out there, what can you really say about yourself? Do u feel good?
Bullying can have a life-long affect. I won't deny that to this day I struggle to overcome those same negative thoughts seeded into my mind in gradeschool, jr high, and throughout high school. It's important I continuously remind myself that FUCK 'EM. I know who I am. I know what I'm not. I know they are wrong. If you notice someone insecure, someone going through a hard time, all you have to do is smile, open your arms wide, hug them and hold it for a minimum of seven seconds. Hug them tightly, don't be scared or worried or think it awkward. Tell them softly you are glad to see them today, that you hope they have a FABULOUS fucking day, because they are fabulous, and you are there for them if they choose to seek you out.
As for you, have a fucking amazing time today! Be yourself, dont give mind to those that are hating on you. They probably need a hug and a smile. If willing, do it, give it to them. Make sure to strut your stuff ;)