A little something about me...a little too much... maybe?

Hello,

My name is Lily. I have really no experience with blogging; actually, I'm not really quite sure how to go about this. I've decided that I'll just treat this like a journal, I guess. I will be turning 23 soon. I don't know what I am doing with my life, nor where I am headed...same as every other 23 year old. All I know is that I do not want to get stuck doing some average, boring, uninteresting desk job for the rest of my life. I have potential to become someone great. I also want to help people reach their own full potential so that they may live a happy life. It's important to me that everyone around me be happy. 

One thing you must know about me is that I am a passionate lover. I love my family more than anything in the world. I love my friends as if they were my family. I love so much, and because I love, I also hurt deeply. As strong as a woman I may want to believe I am, my barriers break so easily. I stand for what I believe and I will not break in that sense, but I am most vulnerable when life attacks my loved ones. My biggest weakness is my fear of the world and it's potential to hurt the people I care about so much. I get scared for everything when it comes to them. I get scared that someone can follow my sister home. I get scared that my brother might not drive home safely one day. I get scared that one day my Mom may not be around anymore to pester and annoy me with her overbearingness. For everything I am scared when it comes to my family. With my friends, I love them, but I do not fear for their immediate safety; they can handle themselves. I even feel for those I do not know. I cry for almost anything if I know that it is possible and someone involved is in pain. It sucks. Although this is the greatest weakness of mine, it is also one of my strongest qualities that drives me to help and give as much as I can.

Don't get me wrong, I am also very selfish. I can be advantageous. I can be a manipulator. I can be egotistical, a bitch, a liar, many things. I am not perfect. I live for me. It took me a long time to finally put myself first. Now that I know how to do that, there's no looking back. No more caring about what others say or think about me. No more trying to change myself for the acceptance of another who really doesn't give two cents about my own feelings and state of mind. For years I tried changing myself so that I can be okay in another's eye. I changed my physique, my style of dressing, my behaviors, my interests. In reality, all I needed was to be okay with myself... how cliche. It was so hard for me to really understand what that meant. Yes, I had heard that over and over again from my sister, on TV, in magazines. It's weird how you can "know" something but not really understand it's true underlying message. I've come to many realizations over just the last couple years. I feel like I was just born, or awakened from a deep naive slumber. I've had to go through many experiences to get to where I am now with myself.

At the end of the day, I am grateful for every obstacle I've encountered along my way. I am thankful for the people, however beneficial or harmful they may have been, that have crossed my path. It is because of my past that I have blossomed into this beautiful, overall good, blessed woman today. 

I hope you enjoy getting to know me.